Otto Moser's
 Cleveland, Ohio                Date of Visit: 06/22/10                     No Known Website

Having heard on the radio that Denis Leary and the boys from Rescue Me do a comedy tour instead of the typical press junket prior to new seasons we found ourselves making our way towards Playhouse Square in Cleveland. Never having stopped at one of the several restaurants right outside of the theaters I hopped online and picked one from the Playhouse Square promotional materials. Otto Moser’s was touted as a local theater-themed eatery so I thought that should be interesting. Interesting it was. Then again so were the Hindenburg Disaster and the Great Plains Famine of the 1930’s. Although those in the dust bowl likely ate better.

Roll wasn't bad

Now I don’t know if this happens every day at OM, it is possible eight employees no-call/no-showed, but this is what happened while we were there. Stepping into the doorway there was a line (no surprise with multiple shows starting in 90 minutes) and we were greeted (actually not greeted) by a dude. Now I don’t know what his job is because we saw him do every job in the public eye while we were there. At first he stood dumbfounded, mouth agape, staring into the dining room like Wylie E. Coyote watching the oncoming train. Then suddenly possessed he sat a group in front of us, delivered food to the sidewalk poured drinks at the bar and ran through the kitchen. At first I thought he wasn’t coming back. Not able to discern between reservations and walk-ins he responded by not seating anyone even when the only employee not visibly panicked walked up and said, “What do you want me to do with all of these empty tables?”
Eventually we were turned over to a waitress who actually threw the menus at us and then announced “I am done with you.” and stomped off. Turns out she was wrong and returned to take our orders. She also told the table next to us that she didn’t have time for them and she was going to “do us together”. Now if there is a problem in the restaurant, feel free to share with the guests and tell them you’ll do the best you can…yelling at them, rolling your eyes, and running them down in the aisles gives a different feeling. I’m sorry you didn’t get your smoke break but if you can’t pretend to be civil there are several other lines of work your personality is suited for…the DMV…or enhanced interrogation specialist, for instance.
 

The menu features sandwiches and some entrees and we both decided on dinner. I don’t know how much care the kitchen put into plating but I suspect it was not much different than our server took to splash everything all over the table. We tried the sausage stuffed mushrooms which tasted alright but had been tragically overcooked. I had the pork chops which were slathered in an overly sweet and sticky sauce that did little to hide the gristle and bone slivers. I thought I should have ordered a sandwich until I saw what was delivered to the table we had ordered with. There appeared to be no improvement when the food is stacked between bread. Steph had an unimaginative chicken that looked like it was covered with the same goop but it managed to taste somewhat different. The rice was bland. Don’t know what else to say. I didn’t get a chance to check out much of the décor, it was so miserable. If you are headed to Playhouse Square for a night of entertainment, make your reservations somewhere else, unless you are getting in the mood for a Shakespearean Tragedy that would make Macbeth blanch. In all sincerity, McDonalds provides much better food and any spoiled fifteen year old could make you feel more welcome, texting or not.

Fortunately, Denis saved the night with his disrespectful and frightfully funny crudeness. We laughed the night away surrounded by firefighters. What would happen if there were a kitchen fire when all the firefighters were at the show? It's harsh but true...it would likely improve the downtown dining scene if the fire were very close-by....