The Silver Swan
 Akron, Ohio      Date of Visit  04/12/12 

I had lunch here once before. It was a pretty good mushroom and Swiss burger. Not what I remembered most about the place. What I remembered is it might be the bar Tom Waits used to go to in the old days to find characters for songs. They were all there. An older man shuffled from the back room (today I found out it is the dining room) and was asked by the bartender how his wife was. He replied simply, “She died” and shuffled out the door. Then the guy at the bar pulled up his shirt to show everyone where he had 11 feet of bowel removed after being shot in Akron. I just started singing “Shorty got rained on with his own .38.” What a show.



Now It's Haunting Me!!!

It might sound odd but I was a little sad to discover the impromptu mascot that sat at the front door was gone. A plastic swan lawn ornament had it’s back removed and was filled with sand and cigarette butts. The rest of the swan was covered in duct tape…silver swan. They might have tidied up outside but the inside remains as worn and dingy as I remembered. The clientele also held their end of the bargain. As our table talked about work I listened to other tables regale with frightfully detailed stories of surgical procedures and another table held a whispered conversation punctuated with the harrumph harrumph that appears to be the result of combined tracheotomy and tuberculosis.

The server was delightfully attentive and familiar. She took it all, from sexual harassment to cheery greetings with a smile. The menu is what you might expect. Couple of soups, burgers, sandwiches, salads and a couple dinners.


Pretty Weak Attempt Overall

Super Cheap Lunch Burger Options

Our table ordered a grilled cheese (reportedly exceptional, esp. without pickle juice contamination [don’t ask me]), a couple of burgers which were both reportedly good. Steph and I tried a basic cheese burger,  bean and ham soup and a hot roast beef sandwich. By the by, in some freakish vortex of culinary disaster the Red Gold has returned. I have never seen it before and now it is on a third table in a week or so. They must be giving this stuff away.

The Special Du Jour

Thankfully She Suggested the Fries Instead of the Box Mash

First off, the chow is absolutely dirt cheap. I think the prices were changed the last time they bought a new table or chair. Works for me. The soup was a mixed blessing. The beans and ham were flavorful but the broth had an  empty slightly dirty flavor that detracted from the cup. The burger was pretty standard and the fries the same. The roast beef was not bad with a dose of salt and pepper and the gravy helped both sandwich and fries. The server suggested the fries instead of the instant mash and she was right.

Guaranteed show, cheap and quick lunch, what’s not to like? Unless of course you have a weak constitution and your appetite is put off by the show. I love it, from a distance. I don’t want TB. But we’ll be back.




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